Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
