Yo dont text me then not text me
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
