I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
