When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize