i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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