11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
