Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
