he thought i was a dude.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
