The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
