We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
