actually, I'm a sock model
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize