"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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