Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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