Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
