I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
