Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
