if you like me you must not know who I am
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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