The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
