Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize