Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
