I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
