so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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