I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
