I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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