did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
