I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
