Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
