If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I enjoy the company of your penis
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
