Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
