SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
