The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
