apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
