whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
