i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
