May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
