it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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