I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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