If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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