She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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