What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
