I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
