"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
