Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
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