Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
