I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
