you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
worst night to have a conscience
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
