that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
