Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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