I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
