I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
