why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize