eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Randomize
