This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
