i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
