At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
