Midget sex pt 2 tonight
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize