I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
