who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
