gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
