So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
