she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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