Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
