Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
