pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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