You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize